Parenting: Individualized Behavior Modification Plans to meet your family and your child’s needs.

A Behavior Modification Plan is a strategy for parenting and discipline. It ends arguments between parents because it is a clear and concise intervention for each maladaptive behavior your child is exhibiting. Working with a therapist to design behavior modification plans provides you the time and opportunity to process feelings about parenting, resolve your own unconscious programs from childhood that are perpetuating negative patterns into future generations. These plans help you understand long term and short term goals, proactive and reactive interventions and how to communicate them in an effective way at your child’s level. Most parents see frustrations whither as they understand where their child’s behaviors are coming from and how to address them.

Healing Attachment: The Mother and The Father Wounds How do we know if we have attachment injury?

Most of us have attachment injury; it is often the very first thing that all other symptoms (like anxiety, depression, low self esteem) come from. These are relational patterns that have been passed on down through the generations that came to us through interactions in our childhood. Beliefs like “children should be seen and not heard” could create a pattern of not speaking up as an adult. If a parent had depression or post-partum depression that had them turned inwards instead of interacting with us; that could create avoidance and being shut down in relationships as we learned to be alone; or clinginess and anxiety in us as we try to cope and feelings of wanting our needs to be met and not being able to. 

The list of wounds can go on and on: families with addiction, abandonment, physical, mental, verbal, sexual, financial abuse. Neglect is a hard one to see because it is more subtle; yet it still teaches us how to poorly interact in our relationships; such as tolerating a lot of abuse or not having self care. 

It’s easy to identify the core beliefs that have been at the root of it all. It is usually a shame- based belief from interactions such as: “Am I good enough?” or “Am I important to you?” 

Where it is helpful to work with another person is in healing the child or infant or even fetus that went through these wounds. Yes, stressors in the room such as parental fighting, poverty, drug use, feeling unwanted can affect us and be internalized in our physical body and unconscious mind even in the womb. 

The symptoms continue until they are resolved; Freud called this a “repetition compulsion.” They are often unconscious but can be found with a trained expert. Things like: feeling alone, being worried a partner might leave you, feeling not attractive enough, not smart enough; tolerating a lot of fighting or drama; being afraid to speak your mind; jealousy, etc. are all ways these attachment injuries can manifest in your life. And then we pass down these traits onto our children until someone resolves them.

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